Gwen+Brunelle

Copy and paste your essay here! Becoming Truly Wise Although I have not been agnostic forever, I have always been a free thinker. It was Voltaire who said, “The more he became truly wise, the more he distrusted everything he knew.” Even as a young Catholic child, I wanted to know everything about my religion. Usually I wondered simple things such as, “Why did the whale swallow Jonah?” Simple questions would reveal simple answers. I enjoyed reading illustrated Bible stories. My favorite picture was of Jesus holding a lamb and sitting on a rock with all of his fellow animals. He held his hand open as if reaching to the heavens for more beautiful creations. My Sunday-school teacher, a tall young woman with a kind voice, taught my peers and me how to find faith. She would always end her class with, “If you have a question, pray for God to give you an answer.” While reading the Bible, even the child-friendly sort, I was trouble by the way God treated his children. “Why did God kill all of those soldiers?” I asked one morning, “I thought he loved everybody.” My teacher replied, “He does Sweetie. But that was before Jesus came and saved all of us… Pray to Jesus if you have a question. Be faithful and he will give you an answer.” I did as I was told. I prayed every day asking Jesus for an explanation to the Bible. Why was God so mean before his son was born? One Sunday morning during our lesson, my teacher addressed the concept of Hell. She drew a picture in my mind of a boiling hot lava-land where people burned. I imagine Jesus saving all of his sinners from that fiery place and taking his brother sisters to a lush paradise. Suddenly it hit me; I stared down at my book that was open to my favorite picture. Jesus’ hand was raised in love as he welcomed a question. My hand shot up. She nodded for my question. “But I though Jesus loved everybody!” I exclaimed as if pleading my case to the devil. “I though he forgave everyone’s sin even his children who didn’t have faith in him!” My teacher winced at the point that was made. I had not yet learned about the Catholic purgatory, and while my teacher may have considered explaining it, she knew I would have tied up class time asking even more questions. “Jesus loves you, and if you pray to him you will get an answer.” But it was too late. Here eyes filled with regret for teaching this lesson. My arms felt stiff and my fingertips numb. I could feel my heartbeat quicken with shear frustration. Without thinking I yelled, “But he doesn’t answer you! I prayed every day for an answer, but he never gave me one! If there is an answer, he should have known to put it in his book!” Tears welled in my eyes as the anguish had overflown inside me. I looked deeply into Jesus’ eyes on the photo. “You don’t have an answer.” I whispered. I fought hard not to cry with the overwhelming realization that the Bible really couldn’t be true. I bowed my head as I closed my book and all I had understood up until that point. Although I did not leave Christianity until five years later, I grappled with my religious identity the entire time. As I walked away and set myself free, I reflected upon what my time in the church taught me. Stand by what is known to be true, and not what is preferable to believe. Search in evidence to find your faith in truth. Adjust to new ideas to promote accuracy. Most importantly, in the light of truth your morality will follow.

[|Christianity]

[|Bible Answers]